It may be hard to accept the reality of your situation right now, you may feel lost, I feel that. You have no idea what to think or feel right now. You are flooded with emotion. Anger, resentment, fear, and sadness. The sadness is probably the hardest right? That’s why you’ve become so short and angry- it’s easier to feel TOUGH than it is to be vulnerable- for me it is at least. I get so defensive and nasty sometimes- I’m honestly embarrassed and appalled that my mind goes there. But hey, I’m just here to keep it real, ladies. I know you feel lost and these are hard feelings to sit with. The hardest part of all this? Literally no one knows you’re suffering in silence do they? Not only are you trying to keep it together for your job, your family, yourSELF- but you’re in a situation where you feel like you constantly have to choose between “what you think it right” vs your health and happiness.
You can’t even remember the last time you truly felt all was “ok” in your world. You are experiencing an emotional drought of affection and connection. You keep going to God to pacify these needs, you are trying your hardest to keep the faith, but admittedly you feel deep down until your situation is truly resolved (the right way) you are going to be stuck in this cycle. Maybe God has even nudged you to start making moves towards resolving this situation, but it just feels TOO scary to start just yet. Understandable. You are already enduring so much, the thought of having to go through a whole new level of change would probably be too much (even though you know you need it).
Sister, if anything, listen to this: I don’t care how lost or lonely you feel, God is right behind you. He is purposely training you to resist the lie that you are alone, and instead start listening for the redirection of His voice. It is up to you to decide if you are ready to surrender the struggle. That does not mean the hard emotions will vanish, but it does mean you can let God fight the battle for you.
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