Dear I don’t know who needs to hear this,
You don’t need to downplay your feelings, you need to start learning to own your feelings. Your experience is your experience, and it’s better that you observe and process whatever emotions are present. Just like your body communicates with you- your soul communicates with you as well.
Your well has run dry. You are running on faith and fumes. You are carrying a load that’s not yours to carry. You are searching for a place where you can put it down without feeling “guilty”- but as soon as you think you find it, you convince yourself you’ll find a better stopping point. You know this situation isn’t healthy, and you know you need to intervene, but the uncertainty of what that would look like almost feels just as overwhelming as where you are now.
You are torn between staying where you are, and following what you know is best, and it’s literally eating you alive with stress. It is so scary when what you know would be best, means potentially even more hardship and emotion you’ll have to process. Girl, I know. It’s HARD. It almost feels easier to just do nothing and stay complacent right? That daily flip flop is burning you out though isn’t it?
On top of that, you NEED to talk to someone but also don’t even want to talk about “it” anymore. You barely understand how you feel or what’s going on- and you never want to burden anyone else with your “drama”. I feel that. Besides, who in the heck would even care or understand every little detail of the mess you’re in? It feels easier to just keep it all in and cope with those unwanted habits- no shame, babe- that was me for a longgggg time.
So with that, let me remind you of something: you are NOT a burden, you are extremely needed. You are learning how to be you and how to own your feelings. You aren’t crazy, you’re likely exhausted AF. You aren’t bitter, you’re probably starved for attention and affection. You aren’t “guilty” or unworthy, you’re just lacking self-compassion and a consistent sef-care routine.
Sister, wherever you are this moment is WARRANTED. Sometimes, things happen outside of our control and our circumstances go completely off into left field without any visible reason. It can feel terrifying- one of those “I never thought this would happen to me, but here I am” type of things. Talk to God about it- even if your lips feel sealed by the stubbornness of the enemy. God already knows what’s going on- and He has a plan to deliver you out of this. Just whisper “Jesus, be with me here.” Sit quietly and wait.
You aren’t giving up on yourself today (you can hit pause on trying to fix the situation)- but promise me you will take care of yourself today, and just move at your pace.
Love you, friend!
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