Don’t get mad at yourself for waking up with negativity. Just like your body can wake up with a cold, your mind can wake up with a “bug” too. The truth is, you’ve got a lot going on right now, and you aren’t taking enough time for yourself. You measure your worthiness in accomplishment and productivity, AND, you stay “busy” to avoid facing some hard truths you know you need to address. I’ve been there. You feel your mind and body showing you what it needs, but you feel like your time or opportunity to change has passed. You believe you’re better off playing it safe, and you should “just be grateful” and accept where you are. Girl, all I have to say is being self-aware is NOT being selfish. You have to find peace.
If something keeps coming up for you in your heart or mind that is God nudging you to go and find your peace. He is trying to reveal what He wants to you to release to Him. The stress you are experiencing is carrying that heavy burden with you every where you go! Only you know what that thing is and you cannot pacify these feelings with things (food, money), people, or power. That’s something I call “fantasy or escape” thinking; believing something or someone will come in and rescue you from this situation. God may very well have plans to lead you out of these circumstances, but it’s going to be on His terms, and His timing.
For me, this is tough because I am extremely impatient. When presented with a challenge I like to resolve it and move on immediately. When I can’t do that I start trying to revert to self-sufficiency (overstepping God and taking matters into my own hands). Hear me on this: release ALL of it to Him. Your work, your health, your relationship, your family, whatever it is that’s going on- give it to God. That doesn’t mean the feelings are going to disappear, but they will be soothed with peace. I promise you, He hears your prayers and sees those silent tears. He knows what you’ve been enduring and he has more joy than you could ever imagine directly on its way to you. Cling to His hand, babe!
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