You aren’t abandoning anyone by redirecting your attention towards your spirituality and self-care. I believe that sometimes God will pull us away from certain situations (even relationships) when they are no longer honoring or serving His will. This was something HARD for me to learn and accept while supporting a partner with mental illness. I felt myself getting so run down, so resentful, and spiritually exhausted. I started noticing that trying to “fix” this situation was actually pulling me away from God (the hardest and scariest realization ever). It was almost as if it became an idol. I was hyper focused on how to help, how to support, how to resolve, how to prevent, HOW TO CONTROL EVERY WORKING PART…. and day after day I saw the only the changing was ME getting wearier. This is embarrassing to admit, but what I struggle with the most is the thought “how is it that I can help so many women change their lives and find hope, joy, resolution….BUT I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO HELP MY PARTNER?” Shew, just typing this still stings.
But after a while of struggling with that, I felt God telling me, “Kate, you have done everything I could have asked you to. This isn’t about you. Release this situation fully to me.”
Ladies, our Jesus is light and love. He would never tell me “you aren’t doing enough” “you are a bad partner” “you deserve this” “this is your fault” “you are going to have to endure this forever or else you’re a failure”…
NO, those ideas come from the enemy.
If you are feeling this, just know that you haven’t done anything wrong. God works in mysterious ways. If you feel like any part of your environment or life is making you unwell and/or pulling you from your walk with God and that underlying sense of peace- it’s time to drop to your knees and ask for guidance on your next steps. You HAVE to put your faith and your health FIRST, ladies- no matter WHAT. How are you going to show up for God, yourself, and your life if you aren’t ok? You CAN’T. Sure, you may limp along under the radar and play a convincing role to others… but babe, that is eventually going to wear you down- probably lower than you’ve ever been.
Make God the first love of your life. When you do that, YOU automatically become your first priority because you structure your lifestyle in a way that leaves time for your well being and mindfulness. You intentionally start making better decisions; more quiet time, eating better, exercising your body, checking in with yourself. When anything or anyone pulls you from that, it HAS to be put on hold. That doesn’t mean it feels easy (IT’S NOT) but neither is dragging yourself through the same muck every. single. day.
Again, you are not abandoning anything or anyone by redirecting your attention towards Christ and your health. God will fill in all the gaps you think your absence will create.
Keep going, love.
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